Health Awareness Pillows

"I'd give him like a 4 for looks, but his Covid precautions are a solid 9."

"Wait – how many seasons is this?"

'I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.'

"It's a constant ringing in my ears. When I try to ignore it, they leave a message."

Virus Travel Agency. 'Doorknob OK?'

'Hello, incontinence helpline, can you hold?'

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

VD clinic: 'Not everything you did in Vegas stayed in Vegas.'

"To play it safe, I've stopped shaking hands and hugging."

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'

"Any side effects from the HRT?" "WHAT?"

Should have used a higher SPF...

'Sorry to drag you in Doc. But I was reading your e-mails and noticed that one of my neighbours had a rash, could it be contagious?'

Sun may cause cancer.

Are you talking about the new normal of an hour, or is there a new, new normal right now?"

'The pandemic is here!!!'

'You just keep going and going?'

'I feel on top of the world, panicky, dizzy and nauseated. I'm afraid of heights.'

"There's nothing to worry about regarding this national emergency."

"That one looks like hope."

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

'Ah, Mr Bond, I've been expecting you...'

'As if passive smoking could possibly be harmless.'

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

'You're allergic to media.'

"That's a crazy idea but it might work."

Inactivity book

"I've been smoking all my life and it's never done ME any harm..." "But you're only 25."

'Not for me thanks, mate - I'm only a passive smoker.'

Woman's varicose veins help with color scheme.

'To control his blood pressure, his doctor said he needs to take his medication, watch his diet and improve his golf game.'

"Mad cow, deer tick, monkey pox, what's next?"

Balloon Animal Vaccinations

"Argh! It's going to rain! My arthritis!"

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'