Health Awareness Enthusiast Pillows

'Jack Spratt and his wife today'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Distance to avoid contagion

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Corona Funeral

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."