Health Enthusiast Pillows

"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"

"Now that's the kind of positive attitude I'm really going to miss."

"It's for my back. You have two more questions."

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

"You're showing early signs of diabetic retinopathy. Lay off the eye candy."

"I want you to cut down on the salt lick!"

A health food store uses a salt substitute to salt the sidewalk.

'My diabetic research shows that test subjects are 98% more likely to take their diabetic pills if the pills are covered in chocolate.'

'I'm the one with the medical degree, I'll determine if your back is bothering you or not.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

What Can We Do To Lose Weight?

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'In this case, a new high score is not a good thing.'

'Amazing... the patterns are the same!'

'I don't know whether the fish oils have helped his concentration but they've certainly helped keep the fly population down.'

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"I don't care what it said on the internet, you are not anorexic"

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

'Is it okay if we just eat the newspaper?'

' Don't you think your taking this exercise wheel a bittoo seriously?'

"I read in the paper that I'm fat and that you've got to sort it out!"

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

"Not all fat's bad. Maybe you're gaining the omega-3 polyunsaturated kind."

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

"Something's just not right – our air is clean, our water is pure, we all get plenty of exercise, everything we eat is organic and free-range, and yet nobody lives past thirty."

'Five bucks a bottle. Three for $20.'

"It's arthritis. Probably caused from clinging to life."

'Interesting... From the way you describe it, it's almost as though the flu has... 'gone viral,' per se.'

At the health spa: "Where's the washroom? I need to detoxify."

'Mary, you haven't been taking your calcium pills, have you?'

Man carring plans

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Weight Loss Clinic with a very wide 'in' door and a very narrow 'out' door

'For the elevated blood pressure, exercise and cut down on salt. For the rash, exercise and cut down on salt. For the headaches, exercise and cut down on salt.'