Health Consciousness Advocate Pillows

'When I get abs, do I have to shave my chest?'

'Must you always point out my floss?'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Running

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Wash your hands

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

Bubbling

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part Five

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

What's really in junk food...

A Message from the Sponsors: Enjoy a delicious burger & soft drink before the next race.

"High sodium, high cholesterol, lots of toxins - your blood test is remarkably similar to cheap potato chips."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

We can learn a lot from Macdonalds says Birmingham PCT director of service development.

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"

"Middle age is when you finally get your head together, but your body starts falling apart."

'You fell that there is a thin person inside trying to get out? Sure it's only one?'