Health Consciousness Explorer Gifts

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Wash your hands

Running

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Lactose intolerance.

'Must you always point out my floss?'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"High sodium, high cholesterol, lots of toxins - your blood test is remarkably similar to cheap potato chips."

A man's health care options.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

'You fell that there is a thin person inside trying to get out? Sure it's only one?'