Health Conscious Gifts

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Drive In - "That's $7.99, 2400 calories and 125 grams of fat."

'Your blood pressure is up. Quit taking campaign promises with a grain of salt.'

"I don't need a second opinion, but I'm going to shop around for a better price."

"I keep forgetting to take my Ginkgo Bilboa."

"Nowadays, Hal is ninety-nine per cent caffeine-free."

Ready meals with honest labelling.

'I only weigh 95 Kilograms ... Thats 210 in pounds!'

At the Impatient Pharmacy

'Somehow, doctor, I feel that you will understand my problem.'

Take It All Off Weight Loss Center

"Captain's log, supplemental."

'I'm probably just run-down. I'm a salesman. I'm on the road a lot.'

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

'Gee. I had hoped to make it to the adult table at Thanksgiving before you recommended I have my first colonoscopy.'

'I can eat politics or drink politics, but doing both plays havoc with my bowel habits.'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Social Distancing Evolution

'Haven't you noticed, John, we appear to be growing apart.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Toxic Waist.

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'I think your jeans are looking a little snug.'

'Obesity runs in my family...Actually, it shuffles in my family.'

Smoking Hazards

'I figure that by the time he develops significant arterial damage, I'll be long gone.'

"And one for the old prostate."

'I carry the weight of the world on my waistline.'

'You're not supposed to smoke inside the car daddy - smoke is bad for me!'

Sun Murder

"Let's take another deep breath and exhale...but first eat this mint."