Health Conscious Gifts

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Drive In - "That's $7.99, 2400 calories and 125 grams of fat."

'Your blood pressure is up. Quit taking campaign promises with a grain of salt.'

"I don't need a second opinion, but I'm going to shop around for a better price."

"I keep forgetting to take my Ginkgo Bilboa."

"Nowadays, Hal is ninety-nine per cent caffeine-free."

Ready meals with honest labelling.

'I only weigh 95 Kilograms ... Thats 210 in pounds!'

Take It All Off Weight Loss Center

At the Impatient Pharmacy

'Somehow, doctor, I feel that you will understand my problem.'

Social Distancing Evolution

'Haven't you noticed, John, we appear to be growing apart.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm probably just run-down. I'm a salesman. I'm on the road a lot.'

"Captain's log, supplemental."

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'I can eat politics or drink politics, but doing both plays havoc with my bowel habits.'

'Gee. I had hoped to make it to the adult table at Thanksgiving before you recommended I have my first colonoscopy.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

'I figure that by the time he develops significant arterial damage, I'll be long gone.'

"Who cares if you're a Sagittarius? What's your Body-Mass Index?"

"Let's take another deep breath and exhale...but first eat this mint."

Sun Murder

'You're not supposed to smoke inside the car daddy - smoke is bad for me!'

'I carry the weight of the world on my waistline.'

'Obesity runs in my family...Actually, it shuffles in my family.'

Toxic Waist.

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'I think your jeans are looking a little snug.'

"And one for the old prostate."