Health Conscientious Gifts

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Running

Wash your hands

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'Must you always point out my floss?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

What's really in junk food...

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"High sodium, high cholesterol, lots of toxins - your blood test is remarkably similar to cheap potato chips."

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'