Health-conscious Person Gifts

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Running

Wash your hands

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Flash Cuisine

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

'Must you always point out my floss?'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

What's really in junk food...

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."