Health-conscious Citizen Gifts

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Wash your hands

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Running

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Flash Cuisine

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Lactose intolerance.

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

What's really in junk food...

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'

'Oh now that is just wrong.'