Health-conscious Citizen Pillows

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Wash your hands

Running

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Flash Cuisine

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Lactose intolerance.

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

Dispatched

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

What's really in junk food...

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Oh now that is just wrong.'