Health-conscious Individuals Pillows

"Walking in the hall carrying a file folder makes you look busy. This allows you to get an aerobic workout and nobody is the wiser."

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

New Normal

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"I can exercise as long as I avoid becoming light headed, flush, or short of breath. Of course, if I could have avoided those symptoms a few months ago I wouldn't be pregnant in the first place."

… and that leads us to the larger question: Why floss? How do we decide to endure the short-term pain of getting between the teeth? After all, the implications of not flossing may wall not be experienced for years. It is, in many ways, a question for our era. Do I know you? But the kiss. Only a well-maintained mouth can deliver the perfect kiss. I'm listening, dreamy stranger.

Fast Food Death

'It sure killed it for me when they changed it to 'this little piggy had mostly chicken and fish.''

Weight watchers

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Running

Wash your hands

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Flash Cuisine

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."