Health-conscious People Pillows

"Mind if I shoot through?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

Running

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Wash your hands

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Flash Cuisine

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

"There. Straight from the organic veggie patch. The world's most expensive carrot."

"Okay, who hasn’t eaten a McDonald’s burger in the past two days?"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

Football fans in corona times

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'