Health Conscience Gifts

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

"High sodium, high cholesterol, lots of toxins - your blood test is remarkably similar to cheap potato chips."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Running

Wash your hands

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'Must you always point out my floss?'

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

What's really in junk food...

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

"We're very green here, we recycle everything."

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

'Oh now that is just wrong.'

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'