Wedding Officiant Gifts

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

"Yes, I do need an answer right now."

The plot thickens...

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Hello, Linda — long time, no see."

"Dearly beloved, weighing in at one hundred and fifty pounds!"

"No you're not bothering me, what's this about?"

"And so, by the ventriloquism powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

"Father Ferguson is very old-school."

'The response is 'I do.' Not 'Whatever she says.''

'Yes, he does - next question...'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

"Thanks but, 'you'll do' isn't a ringing endorsement of officiating your wedding."

"...and if you both can successfully complete this CAPTCHA, we'll continue with the vows."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"Just one more round guys...then I've got to get back to the church!"

Conclave.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"You forgot to say ‘and they lived happily ever after.'"

Vicar

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

Referee's Free Kick Pack

Church Hymn

Gay marriages in France.

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

Recorded mating call

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'AAAAGH! Oh, KNEEL! I thought you said my name - Neil!'

'What do you mean, you've used up your advance?'