Wedding Mishaps Gifts

'The groom called to say he can't marry you today. He totally forgot he was in a pool tournament this weekend.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'Don't try to sweet talk me, Eddie! You had your chance yesterday! We are through!'

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

'Quick! Contact my doctor!'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

Private Eye office: 'She went on a second honeymoon,but not with me!'

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

"And do you John, despite the mountain of statistical evidence showing it ain't gonna happen, promise to stick by your woman?"

"How much worse?"

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

I love you, Morty, and I do want to get married. I'm just a little worried. What if I feel trapped? What if we fight, or one of us changes, or aliens attack? Aliens? And there's only enough canned food for one of us! Holy commitment phobia.

"My camera froze up during the ceremony, but it wasn't a big problem. So did the groom."

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

Bride with a lasso.

Elopement

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

"I don't mind getting married for better or for worse as long as it's not a whole lot worse."

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'