Wedding Milestone Gifts

"My wife of fifty years would kill me if she knew I was having this affair."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"You've changed."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Romance

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Couples' therapy

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Pearly King and Queen

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'In lieu of a serenade, I brought lemonade.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

I'm putting all my eggs in one basket.

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

Bee to othe: 'You knew I was a workaholic when we first met.'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"