Marital Milestone Gifts

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

'A yellow card carried no weight here!'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Romance

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"You've changed."

Couples' therapy

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

'I think I have found Mr. Right.'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'