Romantic Milestone Gifts

'Let this be a warning. You talk to my girlfriend again and I'll do more than rearrange your face!'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Why don't you come inside and let me give you a nightcap."

"Good game."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"You've changed."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Romance

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Couples' therapy

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'In lieu of a serenade, I brought lemonade.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”