Marital Milestones Gifts

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"You've changed."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Romance

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Couples' therapy

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'I think I have found Mr. Right.'

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”