Marital Milestones Pillows

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Romance

"You've changed."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Couples' therapy

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

Bee to othe: 'You knew I was a workaholic when we first met.'