Wedding Cynics Gifts

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

The Sleeping Congregation.

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"She married him because he was the only man she met who was worth divorcing."

Things one would rather have left unsaid - 'I will!'

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

'I wonder if there's a state where no marriages are recognized.'

'You want me to investigate your wife? That's a coincidence, she was just in here asking me to investigate you!'

A bride and groom surrounded by cats

Corrupted Politicians

'The limousine they sent us has flashing lights and a siren.'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

'And do you, Snake, take this worthless bitch...'

'You may not be an ambulance-chaser, but how many divorce lawyers attend every wedding in town?'

A woman reads a magazine in the park

'I know I agreed to an open marriage, but I didn't think you'd have a date on our wedding night.'

"No, I don't. And I'll tell you why."

Horrible case of Bridal Burnout.

"...and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

"I pronounce you husband and wife and mutual detriment to each other."

'Can we kind of get married?'

"You're really starting to bug me."

"I'm experimenting with an arrow that dramatically lowers expectations."

"I'm sorry Kevin, I could never marry a man with an 'Outie'."