Wedding Irony Fan Gifts

Groom suddenly realising his new wife is a prostitute.

'You may now kick the bride.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"Yes ... no!"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

Gigolo Diary

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Trouble Ahead

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"Man, I hate it when she sneaks up on me like that."

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

Hen do!

Boss not listening, "I hear what your saying."

'Is the divorce pool still open?'

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'The limousine they sent us has flashing lights and a siren.'

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

'I know I agreed to an open marriage, but I didn't think you'd have a date on our wedding night.'

'And do you, Snake, take this worthless bitch...'

A woman reads a magazine in the park

"No, I don't. And I'll tell you why."

Gastropod Wedding Showers,

"You may now start packing on the pounds."

"I consider myself a responsible worker."

'Don't worry about me showing you up, luv - I'll catch a different bus home later!'

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"If anyone has just cause, why Howard and his Palm Pilot should not be lawfully wed..."