Wedding Analyst Gifts

'You lent me the money to get married, so it's only fair that you lend me the money to get divorced.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

Wedding disaster #27.

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

A bride and her father walk down an aisle decorated with cost of the wedding.

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"Honey, I'm home."

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

"The video of our wedding now includes commentary."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

Terri and Glenn devise a way to make those tough final choice on their wedding guest list.

'Can you fix a flat ...I'm getting married at three.:

The wedding.

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"Whew! At last, I can eat!"

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

'Are we breaking up so soon?'

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

"He just rang to say carry on without him and he'll see us at the reception."

Jung and in Love

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

"Rick, here, is totally passive, and you always have to be in control, so I thought you might like each other."