Wedding Analyst T-Shirts

'You lent me the money to get married, so it's only fair that you lend me the money to get divorced.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

A bride and her father walk down an aisle decorated with cost of the wedding.

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"Honey, I'm home."

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"The video of our wedding now includes commentary."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

The wedding.

'Can you fix a flat ...I'm getting married at three.:

"Whew! At last, I can eat!"

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"Rick, here, is totally passive, and you always have to be in control, so I thought you might like each other."

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

"He just rang to say carry on without him and he'll see us at the reception."

'Are we breaking up so soon?'

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."