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He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

"You did this to me."

"So, how's your snit coming?"

"My wife is all in the eye of the beholder."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"I just need reassurance, Debbie. When your Folks die you're coming into a bundle, right?"

"I wish marriages had term limits."

'Ted has always been a bit of a womaniser.'

"It restricts my circulation and is rapidly losing its shine - that's my marriage, not the ring."

'We have a good marriage, but not a marriage made in heaven.'

'I think he's got a fancy woman - someone's been darning his socks.'

'Harlow - I can't help but think how things might have turned out differently if I hadn't divorced you and sued you for all you were worth.'

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

"You used to look at me like that."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"OK, now what?"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

"Honey, I'm home."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'