Wedding Commentator Gifts

"Could you put me down now? I really don't like to be touched."

'And Spider, do you take this worthless bitch...'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

The Aisle

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'