Weather Witticist Gifts

"Remember, we still have to complain about these beautiful sixty degree days when it turns seventy."

Captain steering house through flood.

'Well, the weather was terrible, but the buffet was AMAZING!! They had EVERYTHING!!'

"Wow! - Record climate emergency in Western Canada!. . ."

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'

'Today we're going to simulate rough weather conditions.'

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

"Shrinkage /ˈSHriNGkij/ noun: 1. the contraction of an object when cooled, 2. the 'Naked Cowboy' in Times Square on a really cold day."

How You Know It's Spring...

'Say, Fred...'

"How did you find the weather on your holiday?"

"You think we like these extra playoff rounds?"

"Personally, I don't trust weathermen. They change their story every day!"

'I am wearing my bikini!'

'That was quite a storm we had last night!'

Global Forecasting Institute

Met Office "It's a tornado watch"

"It's not the heat or the humidity. It's the sulfur dioxide, hydrogen sulfide, non-methane hydrocarbons and sulfuric acid mist."

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

Summer Solstice Stonehenge

"We've got water views again."

If Weather Forecasters Were Held To The Same Standards As Other Professions

"Hot enough for you?"

'His lungs were fine. He died of hypothermia from all those fag-breaks outside.'

Naked man walking in the rain under an umbrella.

Sheep shrink in the rain.

"I normally don't celebrate the end of winter, but this year I decided I hate cold weather."

The Honesty Channel's Weather Forecast

"Some cruise! It rained for the entire trip!"

UK snow warning.

'It wasn't a bad hurricane. The wind was at my back for the front nine.'

Barometer figures for extreme weather conditions. Too bloody wet and too bloody hot.

"It was a perfect summer!!"

'Boy, that was a deep talk about the weather.'