Weather Pundit Gifts

'Well, the weather was terrible, but the buffet was AMAZING!! They had EVERYTHING!!'

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

'I'm going to drag my sled up and down the sidewalk until the noise drives nature crazy and it snows.'

A sure sign of rain

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"I think we have run out of time..."

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

How Glaciations Begin

'Dear, you can't blame this on global warming...you overcooked the fish.'

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

"It really was a no-brainer, selling drilling rights at the North Pole."

The Reason for Storms

"Careful burying all your bones. We get a cold snap and your assets are frozen!"

Weather today.

Walken On Clouds

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

'Exactly what the forecast on telly.'

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

"I told you we came back too early...I'm freezing my tail feathers off!"

"It's 40 degrees in Europe. Maybe we should take that Paris trip we always talk about, and get away from this oppressive heat."

"We'll be seeing appalling shorts throughout the country and scattered outbreaks of ill-advised vests ..."

The original sundial.

"Oh goodie, more snow! How frickin' original!!!"

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Leaky Weather Magazine.

"It was around here we felt the force of el nino."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'