Wealth Humor Appreciator Gifts

"I really try to put myself in other people's shoes, but it's not my fault if almost everyone has smaller feet than me."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"I was hoping to make billions, but I've settled for making millions."

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

CEO slumber

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

Tom Bowler

He's going to help us with our late payers' problem.

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

"Money talking."

'My hedge fund just got trimmed!'

'I find wealth impresses the Ladies. Try this, it smells of Petrol.'

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

'Next time, we will schedule our planning session before the martini luncheon.'

'You guys are all pardoned - I'm putting in a wine cellar.'

"And is there any particular reason Mrs Muglewump for you wanting to divorce your 93 year old billionaire husband?"

'All of you get your hands in the air and give me all your money!'

'I want to make just enough money so everyone will hate me.'

'We can pay you, or we can give you healthcare coverage, but we can't do both.'

'Reminds me, my urologist said there's something wrong with my plumbing.'

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

Section 21, Paragraph B: When two or more vehicles come to a stop simultaneously, the most expansive vehicle enjoys the right of way.

We're only happy when you're happy, inc.

"It's with a heavy heart that I'm stepping down as C.E.O."

'Recreational cycling is such fun!'

"The small businessman's lunch, sir? It's the same as the businessman's lunch but there's less of it."

"Can I tempt Madam with a piece of gum?"