Wealth Humorists Gifts

"It's with a heavy heart that I'm stepping down as C.E.O."

'I want to make just enough money so everyone will hate me.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

White Collar Crime.

The Euro - R.I.P.

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"The margin of error is plus or minus one hundred percent."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Right here is when things really started to move.'

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'