Wealthy Humorist Gifts

"The fifty-five-gallon drum is completely filled with pennies, sir. Should it be taken to the bank?"

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Money Bar.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

The Euro - R.I.P.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

White Collar Crime.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."