Wealth Humorists Pillows

"It's with a heavy heart that I'm stepping down as C.E.O."

'I want to make just enough money so everyone will hate me.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

The Euro - R.I.P.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

White Collar Crime.

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"The margin of error is plus or minus one hundred percent."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"He downgraded Apple."

Falling graphs.