Money Humorist Pillows

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

Lars, could you lend me a ten? Sure

Bank. We Put Your Dollars to Work for You! If my dollars aren't too busy, I'd like to pick up a few.

Computer that runs on money.

Dollar sign balloon.

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

"Your complete name is Paul Anton Norman Ichabot Cucumber?? P-A-N-I-C???! I'm sorry, you can't work as a stock market analyst any longer!"

"It sure goes...a dollar here, a dollar there and the rest to my wife."

"...And although they say you can't take it with you, you can if you change it into travellers cheques!"

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.