Monetary Humorist Pillows

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'

British savings accounts

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'