Money Humor Pillows

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Money Bar.

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Jumping Wall Street.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'