Money Humor Pillows

'Now that I have your attention...'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Loan Alley

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Money Bar.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Jumping Wall Street.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"