Finance Humor Pillows

'Since you just came in to say hello, there'll only be a nominal service charge.'

'Just saying I'm a CPA is boring. I'm going to start saying 'I'm a CPA, as it were.''

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The good news is that I talked the boss into giving me a ten dollar raise...the bad news is it's ten dollars a year!"

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

Double or Nothing.

"Does insider trading apply to us?"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.