Humor In Finances Pillows

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'Just give me the ten bucks and look at it as another surcharge.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

The Decline of the Euro.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

Footing The Bill

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

In case of falling markets break glass.