Water Cooler Wit Gifts

'I must confess that before you informed me of the invaluable work you do for this company, I didn't actually know you existed.'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"Keep up the good work, whatever it is, whoever you are."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'When I called her a witch, I had no idea...'

"He's still bitter that bottled water ruined his reign as king of the water cooler."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

Fish in Water Cooler.

"This is a tough place to work..."

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

'I'm on my break, Sam... I'll call you back when I start work.'

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

"Thanks for your offer, but in our company we still have a perfect information and communication system. It's called water cooler talk."

'What can I say, Carol... I'm whelmed.'

'The key to my job security is nobody knows I'm actually working here.'

"Looks like Jonesy got his walking papers."

"Bob, it's about your branding."

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"The enemy of my enemy isn't my friend, but we do occasionally carpool together on the way into the office."

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

'I find that coming in late and leaving early makes the day go by faster.'

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

Man at cooler, notices mouse hole also with cooler.

'Baxter! I should have known I'd find you by the water cooler!'

No Loitering. Beware of the Dog.

"I think I'll go do some work. I'm actually feeling goof-off fatigue."