Wardrobe Upgrade Gifts

'zillions spent learning about weight loss... But no one has a clue about weight shift.'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"This is daring, but I like it."

"Honey! Where are my lucky Incredible Hulk board meeting socks?!?"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Shoe addict.

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

"T-shirt weather's coming. How ready are you?"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

"This IS my day-to-night outfit"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

How to read the dress code?

Hats: Management/Good Job/Friendly but Aloof.

'The body's ok, but the neck's too tight.'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

Choosing What To Wear.

Friendly Tie

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

"I'm sick and tired of black."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

Cut out and keep your own Wardrobe Assistant.