Wannabe News Anchor Pillows

What he really hoped to be someday was a TV news anchor.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

Zorro as a child.

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

The young Lisa Laflamme.

Home theatre.

Career center: 'I'm planning to replace Katie Couric when she retires!'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

'However, the jurors unanimously agreed that Blogojevich is the politician with the best hair!'

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

"So a plumber charges $600 for 45 minutes' work?! Is that the coolest job or what?!"

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

A young boy shaving

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

'Nice 'power tie', professor.'

'This summer, I went to pundit camp. . .'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

After the cutbacks at flight simulator school. . .

"I've got a part in a soap."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

'Sure he's got a smart phone, but he doesn't know how to use it. He's a geek poser.'

"Sure raising my allowance is great, daddy, but what I want is power of attorney!"

"Empty, like the last six joints you cased. Man, don't give up your day job."

"Larry fancies himself as a Trump-ologist."