News Commentator Wannabe Pillows

'However, the jurors unanimously agreed that Blogojevich is the politician with the best hair!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Presenter Auditions.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

Pundits

'The following program contains scenes that may not be appropriate for Neoconservatives.'

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

Panama Papers Scandal

Defunding the police vs defunding education

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

'Day is day and night is night. That's the opinion of the management of this station. Here with a rebuttal, is attorney...'

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

'Please disregard the previous message about the imminent collapse of the global economy'

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Today stocks fell gently like snow dropping on cedars...

"The election is underway!"

Child placing crayon drawing over TV screen

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"This week on Sunday Hot Takes, the wage gap between men and women - is it really such a bad thing? Jill, you hate other women, start us off with something awful."

Presidential election-Joe Biden

"I'm so tired of hearing about "The Squad"."They're Too left-wing and divisive and, boy, do they thing they know everything."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."