Sports Commentator Wannabe Pillows

"Gretzky shoots from three-point land for the extra point..." "Idiot"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Kenny Dalglish

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'