Wannabe Comedian Pillows

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

As Seen On TV

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

'Mummy, Mummy, I've been practising the whole afternoon: Wanna hear my evil laugh?'

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

Mail and Femail restrooms for envelopes.

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"I'm afraid the Will Ferrell quotes and hilarious duck impressions just aren't covering your low productivity levels any more, Ted."

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

Before and After Tattoos.

"Your S.A.T. score was 13. Have you considered clown college?"

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

Former class clown and his sidekick torment the substitute waitress.

A young boy shaving

To absent friends. Yours or mine?