Wannabe Star Pillows

"I've got a part in a soap."

As Seen On TV

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

House building chart (like steps).

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

Before and After Tattoos.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

A young boy shaving

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."