Wall Street Hopeful Gifts

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

'When I'm a CEO on Wall Street this will make a wonderful anecdote.'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Jumping Wall Street.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

'Don't mind him. He gets this wa every time they start talking about the inverse relationship between bond yields and prices.'

'I don't know about you, but I really don't like the look of that yield curve.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The United States' economy deflating.

Wall Street has a one way arrow upwards.

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

Shares Nosedive

US Economy: 'Wow! What a beautiful sight!'

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

Geezernomics - Crash of 1929.

'A few days away from those sharks on Wall Street will make all the difference.'

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'Today, emerging market funds rose on news the American dream is alive and well in Thailand, Singapore, China. . .'

Humpty Dumpty on Wall Street.

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'We may not agree on the stock market, but we're both Chicago fans.'

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"Today opened as November 10, 1987, swung wildly to March 7, 1996, and closed as December 5, 1902."

Insecurity hits Wall Street

"The people who were running the economy last year... are running the economy this year."

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'