Hopeful Investor Gifts

I have a dream.

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

The Stock Market.

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

The church of our lady of wall street.

At The Clown Bank.

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

How to live on 25 cents a week allowance.

'See if our technical people can get this up and running.'

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

"It has yet to turn a profit."

"Someday, son, you're going to inherit a great deal of money. It's called 'Head Start'."

"Put me back on hold! That song - 'We're in the money' - put me in a really good mood!"

Bookshop selling investment advice books.

'He made a lot of money investing in what he knew - dog biscuit and rawhide bone futures.'

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

Unusual Retirement Plans

Investments Cock-Eyed Optimists.

'I didn't ask you to help me when it was $90 an ounce, and I didn't ask you to help me when it was $110 an ounce. But when it's $400 an ounce...'

"I'll not be a grub forever...soon I'll be a butterfly...I'll be in the money...DRAT!"

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

'I have a way of making £1000 from an investment of £10. Trouble is where do I get £10?'

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."

'I should warn you that results may vary concerning any wishes about the stock market.'