Peaceful Investor Gifts

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Saving for College.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

Financial Prudence disappears.

The church of our lady of wall street.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

'The market goes up, the market goes down. And that's our business report.'

I have a dream.

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

At The Clown Bank.

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

'The Stock Market opened today, but just barely.'

Research Study on Stock Market Forces: Fear and Greed.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'Stocks took a dive when a top economist was overheard saying 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.''

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"