Calm Investor Gifts

'Stocks remained unchanged on news iit's best to let a sleeping dog lie.'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

Meditation

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

Enlightened Cursing

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

Muzak's Top 10

'The market goes up, the market goes down. And that's our business report.'

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'The Stock Market opened today, but just barely.'

"See what I mean? People don't know how to relax anymore."

Tai Chi vs. Chai Tea

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

"We're all well aware of the madness, Phipps...where's the method?!

"Sit in the car. The doctor will be with you shortly to treat your road rage."

His investment advisor gave him a new mantra.

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

Chloe had again chosen tubing the river.

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'