Principled Investor Gifts

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Saving for College.

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

A wiser and a better man

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

IOC and human rights.

Financial Prudence disappears.

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

At The Clown Bank.

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

'Stocks took a dive when a top economist was overheard saying 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.''