Responsible Investor Gifts

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

A wiser and a better man

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

Saving for College.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

IOC and human rights.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

Climate Crisis and the Banks

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

The Economy Discovers FFF!

Financial Prudence disappears.

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'Stocks took a dive when a top economist was overheard saying 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.''

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

Unchanged … and yet completely changed. Tao Jones Indexes.

Money feeds tree of property